"Tae! Babe, where are you?!"
She pulled the sheet off of her body and hopped out of the bed and mumbled, "Where is he at? Did he leave me? Why isn't he in the bed?!"
"TAE!" she screamed out, as she walked out of the room.
"What, bae, what you yelling for?" Tae said, as he continued to scramble eggs in the kitchen.
Realizing that Tae was still in the house and hadn't left her, Brittany quickly calmed town and walked towards Deontae to give him a hug saying, "Oh, I was just trying to figure out where you went. You know how I feel about waking up without you. I hate that feeling."
"I know you do, babe, I just wanted to cook you some breakfast and didn't want to wake you because you were sleeping so peacefully," Deontae said.
The two got dressed and headed to work. During the car ride, Brittany realized that she had forgotten to take one of her pills that she was trying so desperately to hide from Deontae, in order to keep her secret just that... a secret.
Once the two got to the office, she noticed that the secretary, Alicia, was being a little too friendly to her man, Deontae.
Brittany thought to herself, "What does Alicia think she's doing? She knows that Deontae is off limits. Period. I'll take care of that. This will be the last time she'll disrespect me."
The next day, Alicia didn't show up for work. Some people tried to call her, but no answer. No one worried too much, though, because their boss received an email from "Alicia" saying that she needed to take some personal time and that she would be staying with her family in D.C. for a while.
Little did they know, Brittany had taken care of Alicia in her own way that previous night.
"I wonder what happened to Alicia? That's so weird." Deontae mentioned to Brittany as they ate dinner.
"I'm not sure, honey. You should let me try your pasta, though." Brittany relied, completely ignoring the statement or showing any true concern.
Six months into the relationship and Deontae still didn't know about Brittany's time spent in the Paulview Psychiatric Facility, nor that she was the cause of Alicia's disappearance.
I guess it would have been good for Deontae to #KnowTheOneHesWith before he got himself in too deep.
Author's Note: This story is the second half of the story previously posted. In Nigerian story entitled, The Pretty Girl Who Killed the King, by Elphinstone Dayrell (1910). In the original story, the "pretty girl" was actually a witch that was paid to kill the king of a neighboring town that was tormenting the people of another village. This king was making each day for the other villagers absolute hell. So, one day, the other villagers decided that they were going to put an end to their torture and have the king taken care of. The villagers decided to pay a witch to shape shift into an attractive young woman, seduce the king, marry him, and then behead him in his sleep. She managed to do this and slip away completely undetected. No one in that village suspected it was her because she was so beautiful and the last person to commit such a heinous crime. It was from that very last part that I coined this story's hashtag, #KnowWhoYoureWith.
This second half of the story is a continuation of Part I of the first story that I wrote. I haven't quite decided how many parts will be added to this story. It is really just a matter of what feels right for Brittany and Deontae's hectic lives. Thanks for reading!
Story Source: Folk Stories From Southern Nigeria by Elphinstone Dayrell (1910).
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWoah! I absolutely loved this type of stories. I enjoy twists like this in a story. I am interested in seeiing how this story unfolds, how Deontae will discover her illness. I wanma know what would Brittany have done to Deontae if he actually had left her rather than make her breakfast. Keep up the good work! Sorry for comments above, I accidently used tablet with different account. But you are a great writer.
ReplyDeleteWow! What an amazing story you wrote! I really enjoyed reading it. You are a very good writer and your style of writing is great. It was so good to keep this story in two parts. And I really wanted to know how this story unfolds. How Deontae will know that she is sickness. Great job! And I am waiting to read more of your stories this semester.
ReplyDeleteYou had some great imagery in the beginning! I love the suspense of her secret past. A follow up of the boyfriend finding out about her past and the missing girl would be a crazy story! Could definitely be a fun read. It was very creative and I love the tie back to the original story. I read that one as well and found it very entertaining.
ReplyDeleteWow… what a great story! When I started reading this story I did not expect this type of ending! The way you made the main character come off as “innocent and cute” at the beginning was genius. I liked how you included quotations to really show us the characters different personalities. I feel like I could connect with them and understand what they were thinking. What if you added more quotes from the husband so we could see what he was like more? Or what if you started off the story with a nightmare to show us the mental state of the wife? These could be so fun ideas to add more detail to the story! I also feel like you could describe the secretary who was flirting with her husband to pain the scene for the readers. Overall, I loved this story because it was thrilling and left me guessing what would happen next! Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteHey Bri,
ReplyDeleteI think I’ve actually read all your portfolio stories so far! (They’re all about Brittany the psycho, right? Haha) This one is my favorite, though, because it was the most action-packed and based in real time. The story that explains her trip to the psychiatric ward was pretty interesting, but since I knew from the beginning that she was peacefully sitting on her porch, I wasn’t as invested in the story. This one, on the other hand, we’re left wondering what Brittany is going to do next, and when Dontae will discover that his lover is crazy.
I’m glad you included the first part where Brittany wakes and discovers he isn’t there, then freaks out. For most people, if your significant other isn’t in bed, you don’t (or at least, shouldn’t) immediately freak out—you assume they’re in the bathroom or maybe checking the mail or whatever. But showing her freak-out makes us realize that she’s a little on-edge. Great job! I’m excited to read the last one and find out what happens to Dontae! (And I’m wondering what Brittany did with Alicia…)
Hello, me again. I literally just commented on Part 1 and couldn't wait to read Part 2! For your portfolio, are you planning on writing a whole series? Or is it just going to be part 1 and 2? I feel like you could literally write a whole novel based off of these stories!
ReplyDeleteI think the sense of foreboding is really cool throughout each story. You don't really know what happened to Brittany, but you know it was something mysterious. It all has kind of a sinister feel, which is very different from the other stories that I've read and really helps your stand out! I also love that the diction is very current. It really adds to my enjoyment of reading your stories.
Now, for a couple questions. What on Earth happened to Alicia? When it says, "Brittany had taken care of Alicia in her own way that previous night", what could that mean? Is she dead or is she just scared off and taking time? Also, how will Deontae react when he finds out the truth? I really hope you keep writing because I'm very curious why she was in the facility and what he says when he finds out. Will he find out, or will he catch on to whatever it is before and end things?
Great job using cliff hangers because it really draws me in and leaves me wanting more!
Hi Bri, I really liked this story! I thought it was unfortunate the Brittany was keeping secrets from Deontae. I've learned from previous experience that if you want to be successful with your relationship that you shouldn't keep any secrets from each other. You should definitely be open with that person from the beginning. I hope that Deontae finds out what happened to Alicia and that he decides to leave Brittany. I honestly think that is what Brittany deserves. I think it would comfort him a little bit to find out that she is seeking help from the psychiatric clinic though. I think that realizing something is wrong with you is the first step in order to feeling better about yourself. Accepting that something is wrong with you is often the hardest part! Overall, great story and I look forward to reading more of your stories for your Portfolio in the future. Great job!!
ReplyDelete